The Birth Story

Labor- 41 hours and 18 minutes
Active Labor- 11 hours and 18 minutes
Pushing stage- 1 hour
Contractions felt and prompting me to believe labor was near- one whole week

Those are the statistics that will begin my birth story. I have been stalling writing this because I have not been entirely sure what to write or how to even begin but I will just go for it.

3 weeks ago time was passing much more quickly for me. Looking back it is odd to me that time was passing so quickly because I was in pain that I could not have previously imagined. On Monday, November 21 (my due date) I started having contractions. I hadn’t had any Braxton Hicks contractions throughout my pregnancy so when I began feeling contractions for the first time I thought he must be coming soon. The contractions started becoming more and more regular. I kept going about my life as normally as possible all the while thinking I could be leaving for the birth center at any moment. Those contractions went on until the next Monday when Ryder was actually born.
Labor started on my birthday, November 26. It was my 21st birthday and I hardly remember it. My birthday coincided with Hinesgiving this year. (Hinesgiving is the name of my family’s second Thanksgiving always held on the Saturday after Thursday Thanksgiving). I escaped to my parent’s room during a game of Celebrity Bowl because I was in quite a bit of pain. I contacted my midwife and she asked me to have my mom time 3 sets of contractions. The contractions were all 3-4 minutes apart and lasting 45 seconds-1 minute. At that point my midwife, Donnellyn, told me to go home and have my doula, Stephanie, meet me. It was exciting to get to leave the house with all my family in one place and they all know at the same time that baby Ryder was coming soon! Psh at least that is what I thought at the time. I went home, changed, Stephanie arrived and pretty quickly we were leaving for the birth center! As painful as the drive was I would have thought it would have seemed longer but that felt like the shortest trip to Argyle (the city my birth center is in) that I had ever had. Poor Garritt kept talking to me and not getting a response and asking if I was upset with him. He would then look down to my phone, see the timer going and say ‘Oh, sorry. Is that another one?’

We got to the birth center and were turned around to go home. I was only about a centimeter or two dilated. I am so very glad that we were sent home because baby didn’t come for another 41 hours! What a long labor! That night went very quickly although I did not sleep but 45 minutes. I am seeing a theme…things that should have felt like they took forever just didn’t. Praise God! I think overnight is when my back pain really started. I have never felt pain like that in my life. I definitely didn’t expect it. I cannot even explain the pain but every 3-7 minutes that night and up until he was finally born I felt like my back…I don’t even know. I am at a loss for words to describe any part of it. Most of the night I tried to power through the pain on my own because I knew Garritt was tired and he really needed to get some sleep before the next day. When I could tell he was awake I would just say “please” and he would rub my back through the contractions. I have a bathroom in my bedroom and I can so vividly remember getting up to go to the bathroom and only making it to the end of my bed before having to stop to have a contraction and then the same on the way back. Finally, the sun rose and I decided it was a decent enough hour to call Donnellyn to update her and call Stephanie and have her come over.
The next day was a lot of the same things but here are the highlights:
-Being told what seemed like a million times to eat but not wanting to.
-The most wonderful chiropractor, Rachel Whaley, coming to my house to adjust me.
-Actually being able to take a small nap.
-And finally, leaving for the birth center a second time!
We were passing downtown at 5:17. I remember this because I said to Garritt that if Ryder were born in 20 minutes he would be born at the same time as our nephew Denver. We missed that mark by a wide margin.
The next 11 hours and 18 minutes passed so quickly that I thought Ryder was born in the middle of the night…not at 5:18 in the MORNING…the next day. The next 11 hours and 18 minutes were also the most painful time in my life. Praise God for making it pass so quickly!
Here are the highlights:
-Only being able to walk 5-10 steps before having a contraction
-Sitting, standing, and laying in any position to make the pain the least painful.
-Truly feeling simultaneously very grateful for whoever was applying counter pressure to my back and feeling very bad for asking anyone to do it. The thing I remember the most was how guilty I felt every time I had to ask someone to help me by rubbing my back. I am so thankful for the team I had for being so willing to tend to my back without me even having to ask most times. I feel like the only things I said that whole night were ‘please’ and ‘I’m sorry’. I thought I must have been very annoying.
-Being excited to get in the water…being excited for the jets to turn on…and being very sad that it didn’t help.
-Believing that I must be having back labor since it was so painful and then doing something more painful than the worst contraction to get him to turn around and face the right way. He was not actually faced the wrong way. I was not having back labor. He was just too big for me and caused crazy pain.
- Donnellyn breaking my water. When she asked me if I wanted her to go ahead and break my water I am sure I didn’t look like it but I could not have been more excited! I said yes! I knew at that point that he would be there soon and my back pain would be over!
-Being prayed over constantly. Especially the last prayer Donnellyn prayed before we left to go home. When she was done I said, ‘You don’t get that in a hospital’.

This time when I got in the bathtub I knew I was coming out with a son! I had a 10 pound 6 ounce baby. The pushing stage was NOTHING compared to the labor! Donnellyn explained to me what I was going to do and to let my body guide me. After she said that and I could feel that it was time it was as if everyone in the room disappeared, I could only hear them. I could hear Garritt telling me to squeeze his hand (but I wouldn’t because I didn’t want to hurt him). He kept repeating to squeeze his hand. I could hear another part of my team, Sue, cheering me on. I could hear Donnellyn telling me to feel his hair and telling me how much more I had left. Mostly, I felt and could hear my body telling me when to push and when to take breaks. I have never felt so in-tune with my body before. It is amazing how God equips us to birth children. Before I knew it my son was here and I could see only him. I vaguely remember seeing Garritt cut the cord and hearing Donnellyn say that he was no doubt 10 pounds.

I had a long, hard labor. I lost a lot, and I mean a lot, of blood. I had to have an IV after Ryder was born. I suddenly got very tired and was falling asleep while people were talking to me and then was wide awake after the IV. I wasn’t allowed to get up for a very long time. I had to eat but still didn’t really want to. I had to drink a LOT of water and gross chlorophyll. I then threw up the water and chlorophyll and then had to drink more. But none of that mattered. I had my son. The Lord finally gave me a son. My family felt like more of a family. It would never be just Garritt and I again.

I didn’t cry. I didn’t cry during contractions. I didn’t cry when I was pushing. I didn’t even cry when I saw Ryder for the first time. I was so incredibly happy when I saw Ryder for the first time. I was so relieved that I had done it and he was with me. It wasn’t until I first saw my family walking through the bedroom door with my mom in the lead to meet Ryder that I cried. It felt so real then. I was so excited to introduce him to my family. It was wonderful.
The question I have been asked most since Ryder’s birth is if I will have another all natural water birth. Every contraction I had I was either pleading with God to take the pain from me, begging Him to walk through the pain with me, or thinking to myself that this would be my only child. So, my answer to that question is that if I have another baby I will no doubt have that baby the exact same way. I will feel every second of pain. I am so pleased that God placed a passion in my heart for natural childbirth. As painful as it was and as many times as I begged God to carry me on His shoulders through my contractions…I would never do it another way. I feel so close to Ryder. I also feel so close to God. The pain I felt is so small compared to the pain He felt when He gave us Christ. The pain He went through allowed me to lean on Him during my pain. How great is our God!
There is my birth story. Long…just like my labor.

Ryder's First Concert

Ryder will forever be able to brag about the fact that his first concert was Taylor Swift. And, boy did he love it. Because of our sweet friend Jane, we were treated to a concert at the Cowboys stadium...in a suite! We had a fully stocked fridge, pizza, and most importantly a private bathroom. Really, we saw a concert the only way a pregnant woman should do anything... with free food, drinks and a private bathroom. Glorious.

Taylor was beautiful and amazing! I never thought I would ever get to see her live. She put on an amazing show!

Jane, Kristin, and I enjoying the sweet musical stylings of Taylor Swift in our suite:

Really though, Ryder kicked a WHOLE lot during the show. He was a dancing fool! He seems to be following in the ways of his mom's musical tastes...and not his dad's. Two against one will always win out in the car. My boy is brilliant!

In other news:
I found Ryder's first outfit! He will come home from the birth center in this little nugget of an adorable outfit! "Born in '11"!

Unless he is HUGE and doesn't fit in it..

And my diaper bag finally arrived! It's beautiful

That's all for now!

Planes, Trains, and Tonka Toys...

My mom and G's mom threw us a baby shower this weekend! It was so fun and I am so grateful for all the work they put into it! There were around 30 people there. My mom kept saying how it was the biggest party she's thrown in her house. She gets a little frazzled when she's the host but she did great! We had sandwiches, sherbet punch, and this awesome cake...

What a clever cake!

We were overwhelmed with gifts! Everyone was so sweet and really did shower us with gifts! Here is a little of the aftermath... I forgot to take a picture of all the gifts when they were pretty and on the tables.

My sweet friend Lauren-Claire got to come to this shower before she leaves for Boston! I was so glad that a someone was throwing a shower that she could come to before she went back to school.

And of course my best friend Amanda was there

Fellas were invited so G was there too!

And then my mom and dad helped me bring all of our goodies home to Ryder's room!

Now, Great Aunt Karen, gave Ryder her old Owl bank! It is absolutely perfect! It is green and blue! Karen said she used to put pennies in it as a little girl to save up for her island... she put in a quarter for Ryder to start with and I can't wait to see what he says he is going to save up for!

It was so much fun to be on this end of a baby shower! We were so incredibly blessed by everyone who came and shared in this experience with us. It was just another one of those milestone experiences that I would have never been able to explain before I was able to go through it.

I can't wait to dress Ryder up in all of his new clothes and see him play with his new toys! We also got a bunch of amazing monogrammed items that I can't wait to put him in!

Read Between the Hines

It's happened. The Hines (or Hines a heart) girls have gathered forces to create a book club. Kristin, Elise, Michelle, Caitlin, Erin and I have entered into the life-long-binding-sisterhood of a book club. 'What will this book club look like?', you may ask yourself. We came together to answer those questions.

We had a LOVELY dinner with amazing place settings (made by Caitlin!) last night to decide what our book club would be.

Not knowing how we would decide who chose the first book I went ahead and did a little research and came with three options. The options I came with were Miss. Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, Sarah's Key, and The Glass Castle. I haven't read any of these books but they all seem like really great options and I plan on reading all three.

I won't go through our entire decision making process because- as some of you would know how our family gets at family things- most of the suggestions were on the more ridiculous side and were just plain silly. What we did decide was that we would be a book club sans rules. We can make suggestions, however. Suggestions like; bring a few choices when it is your turn, we will go in reverse age order for book choosing, the book chooser will host the next book club and choose the main course while the rest of the book club will bring side dishes.

I'm very excited about the book we chose. I asked everyone to do a golf-clap style applause-o-meter to pick their favorite choice but we ended up just going in a circle and saying what we wanted. We were unanimous and chose Miss. Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children! I am really excited to read this book. Look it up and read along with us if you'd like!

Lastly, we left the meeting by deciding a name for our book club. We wanted to incorporate Hines, obviously, and possible a pun or alliteration. Our faithful knowledge owner, Kristin, proposed 'Read Between the Hines'. Obviously, we all wholeheartedly agreed! However, that is not the full title of our book club...
The full title is,
Read Between the Hines: A Sisterly Book Club of Common Courtesy.
We're going to be a big deal.

Ryder's Room!

A couple weeks ago Garritt and I went and bought a crib! It was the kind of experience that brings with it a whole host of things; the first is that it solidifies how real our near future is becoming, the second is that it makes two youngsters like us feel very grown up, and the third is that it is a kind of joy that was a little unexpected. We went to our new favorite store, BuyBuy Baby (for the second time in one day), and left with a crib. The workers there are starting to remember us. The cashier said that it was the third time she'd seen us there but the first time leaving with anything. She was excited for us!

We put it together that evening. I thought that putting a crib together would be as annoying, difficult, and frustrating as it was for us to put together our bookshelf. I was wrong. It was the complete opposite. It was so clear and easy! When we were done and G was obsessively doing a triple check of all the screws he started to speak to them...saying, "Alright guys, you're going to be holding my son. You better keep it together. He's important." And with that we were done and I was weepy. We just looked at each other and said, "Our baby is going to be in here!" How crazy!

So his room is beginning to come together! Here is the evidence...
Our beautiful crib:

The goodies we have acquired thus far:

His little corner table with a few things:

I got these at IKEA, and I think they're hilarious:

And finally our hand-me-down changing table! We just got this last night. It was G's sweet cousin's. It's going to be painted...so imagine it as a stained soft green.

That's it for now! We are still getting curtains and things for the walls. My sister and I are working on a little thing to hang with RYDER on it.
We're still in the market for a stackable washer/dryer though...if anyone knows of one ;)

It's already been a year!

Garritt and I celebrated our one year anniversary last Saturday! I can't believe it's already been a year. It's incredible. I wouldn't have wanted to spend this year with anyone else and I look forward to spending all the rest of my years together.

For our anniversary we went to Medieval Times, the prime location for all couples celebrating years of marriage. A place where the men wear stirrup pants, the drinks come in bowls, and you eat with your hands. I'm surprised we even got tickets...with all the romantic vacationers coming from all over the world to travel back to the Medieval world. WE LOVED IT! I had never been before and I had a blast. Here are some photos from the evening:

This one is a little blurry but that is indeed a 40 ounce BOWL of slushy:

One from inside the arena:

And here are the gifts!
I went a little overboard and got G a guitar! He has wanted one of his own for as long as i've known him and I couldn't resist. He was pretty pumped! I think I was more excited to give him his gift than to receive mine...

My gift was a locket (that I laid on pretty heavily that I wanted). It is engraved with an 'A' on the outside and I have wanted one since High School. I finally have it! On the inside G surprised me with another engraving that says 'Let everything you do be done in love'. My plan is to put a picture of G, Ryder and I in it after the little man is born! But I will definitely be wearing this locket -that I still haven't taken off- while I give birth and the inside engraving couldn't be more perfect!
He also gave me one rose for our first year of marriage!

This next year of our life is going to be so amazing. By this time next year, Ryder will be roughly 8 months old. I can't even begin to imagine all the things that will happen in our second year of marriage...but I can't wait to find out!

A very exciting morning for Garritt

This morning was very exciting for Garritt because he got to feel Ryder kick for the first time!

It is odd that Ryder was kicking so early this morning. Usually, he sleeps all throughout the day and wakes up between 7:30-8. I know this because I can almost always tell what time of evening it is when he starts kicking and moving like crazy. He is a very active boy...just like his parents. So, the fact that he was kicking so early this morning was unusual. Garritt was talking to me and had his hand on my belly and all of the sudden Ryder let's out a little kick. It wasn't a very hard kick so I assumed Garritt wouldn't have been able to feel it but he did! Garritt looks up to me and says, "Did you feel that?". My first thought was 'of course I felt that' but I was suddenly so excited that his statement meant that HE had finally felt it. It was a tiny little kick but that's all it took for Garritt to feel Ryder for the first time.

I am so excited to be able to share Ryder with Garritt in this new way. I am always feeling Ryder in so many ways. He moves and spins and feels like he's swimming in my belly. But I've felt like poor Garritt doesn't get to feel how real Ryder is...until today! Right after Ryder kicked G immediately wanted him to kick again. He said he wanted Ryder to 'score another goal'. I'm sure there will be many kicks to come and I can't wait for every single one of them!

Ryder Wesley Teague Caudill

We had a sonogram yesterday and were told that we are having a BOY! Little, or probably big, Ryder will be here around November 21!

It was so fun finding out that we were having a boy. There were only a handful of people who guessed that we would have a boy. So, congratulations to y'all!

Here are the sonogram pictures that we got yesterday! Enjoy...

This is the best one:

In this one you can see his eyes! A little bit creepy!

You can see his legs here! Knee to feet kind of draped over one another!

And here is the money shot where you can tell he is a he! Already embarrassing my baby boy.

Well, that's all for now. I was just anxious to share these pictures with everyone!

one day nothing...the next, belly!

Here are a few pictures from the past 10 weeks...

12 weeks:

14 weeks:

20 weeks:

and finally 22 weeks(a picture from 2 days ago):

I took a pretty long break from pictures as you can tell because you really couldn't tell that I was even pregnant until about a week and a half ago.
Anyways, I absolutely LOVE being pregnant. Pretty much everything about it. I love how my body is changing. I love that my belly is getting bigger and bigger. I don't mind gaining weight one bit. I never knew how I would feel about being pregnant once I was pregnant. How could I? But it is so beautiful. I think it is hilarious that the first thing I do when I go somewhere is find a bathroom. I laugh every time I leave a place and undoubtedly I already have to go to the bathroom again. I don't necessarily love getting up 6 times a night...but I've been sleeping better lately so how am I to complain. I also don't mind the morning(day and night) sickness. I'm not a masochist, I just like the fact that the sickness is such proof that I have a little tiny thing growing inside me.
Now that my body is showing more outward signs of being pregnant I couldn't be more excited! One thing I could do without is the added heat! I don't know how women who are further along than me even go outside.

I felt this little baby kick on June 17! It was the weirdest thing and from the first kick I have not stopped feeling little kicks and nudges. It is so fun for me to feel my baby moving but I wish Garritt could. One night while we were watching tv on the couch I told Garritt to put his hand on my stomach. I was feeling the baby move with such force I assumed Garritt would have to be able to feel it...but he couldn't. But I made him keep his hand there for about an hour anyways. Soon. G will be able to feel it though and we'll be able to SEE it kick. But, that will be on my mind after next friday...

The main thing on my mind lately is finding out the sex of this baby! I started allowing myself to look at baby things in the past 2 weeks and now I am obsessed! I cannot wait to know what this baby is so I can start calling it by name. We will find out the sex of our baby on Friday... THIS FRIDAY! LIKE IN 6 DAYS!!!
More about that later...

Puking with Purpose

I apologize for the title of this blog but alliteration as perfect as this cannot be ignored.

In case you have not seen my tweet, heard from someone, or heard from me personally…allow me to share the news with you that I am pregnant again! I am, in fact, through my first trimester! It is wonderfully exciting and it has all the evidence of God’s planning. We had our first baby visit with our midwife on Monday. While we were 20 minutes into the appointment Garritt told me what my brother, Austin told him, “This will be the only appointment you won’t like…because of all the paperwork.” Why Garritt didn’t tell me this before we went to the appointment, I have no idea. I thought we would simply go in, hear the baby’s heartbeat, and grab some lunch on the way home. I don’t know why I didn’t assume there would be loads of paperwork that needed to be completed. I had baby blinders on. All I could think about in the week leading up to that very appointment was that I needed to hear the heartbeat. I may already be showing (a little)…I may be ‘puking with purpose’ as I call it…I may have every symptom in the book proving that I am pregnant but I needed to hear the heartbeat.

And I did! It was fast (proving to my mom that baby is a girl) and it was strong! Apparently we have a very active baby. Garritt even got to feel the baby. Baby is about the size of a peach right now. A precious little peach. Baby is building bones and vital organs and his/her body is becoming more proportional. Baby is the most wonderful display of God’s attention to detail and love for His creation.

Now, I will back up a few months when I was keeping this secret from most people, when I was going on the middle school stainless retreat trying to get everyone out of the house in time for morning sickness…when I had to stop playing Ultimate Frisbee and the guys wanted to know why…well…

I knew I was pregnant before it was confirmed to me. For those of you like Garritt you’re now thinking that I am superhuman, but I can’t explain how I knew… I just knew. I assume that is much the same with a lot of mom’s-to-be. I knew the first time I was pregnant too. This time I was scared. I tried to ignore what I knew for as long as I could. Ignoring did not last long. I had a sinus infection that found me in a doctor’s office knowing that I would have to ask if I could take whatever medicine they prescribed me while pregnant. The wonderfully unexcited doctor later let me know that I was indeed pregnant. He said it like he was reading off a list. Something like, “The medicine I wanted to prescribe you I cannot give you since you are pregnant so we will have to try something else...” I didn’t listen to the rest of what he said. I immediately started praying. I was completely freaked out.

I left the doctor’s office and went to the waiting room to wait for my mom to come pick me up. I called Garritt but he was at work and didn’t answer. My next call was to Donnelyn, my (needs more adjectives to describe) midwife. She was so excited! She asked all the normal questions and said how excited she was to work with us again. And just like that my fears subsided. I was as excited as she was! Garritt called me back and he was confused and then really happy and that was that. I got in the car with my mom and asked her if we could make a stop by her house. Why? Because I needed my prenatal vitamins. She then proceeded to give me a high five. What a great response!

Now that I have had so much time to think about baby and pray for baby I find that the tone of my heart is not different from when I wrote about the miscarriage. If that sounds weird I am about to explain. The simple, glorious fact is that God is in control. Everything I said before is still so true. God is the God of the universe whether or not you choose to deny it. As I said before, God knows what it is like to lose a son. He also knows what it is like to have a son and watch him grow and prosper. He already knows the plan for this baby that is growing inside me. I don’t have to know that plan. I do however have to trust that it is a perfect plan because it is God’s. I so look forward to the day when I hold this baby. I look forward to the day when this baby cries for hours. I look forward to the day when this baby first recognizes me. I look forward to the first diaper change. I look forward to the day when this baby says my new name. All of these things will mean so much to me.

I simply look forward. And trust. What else can I do? More than anything I look forward to the day that I stand face to face with my savior and can embrace Him and thank Him for both of the babies that He has given me that I will then have met.

Survivor: Redemption Island, take 2

Well, I skipped last week but I couldn't skip this week's episode because it was completely full of amazing things!
I'll give a quick recap of what I thought of last week:

I can sum up last week's episode with one statement: Boson Rob, you may have lost my love. I cannot believe he orchestrated getting rid of Matt. I am a HUGE fan of Matt. We haven't seen a ton of him yet but I don;t understand what the big deal is with him congratulating the other team. I just don't get it. There are always people who congratulate the other team but they don't air it because it doesn't cause any controversy. Rob got all hot and bothered about it last week so it got air time. I just feel bad that Matt was saying such great things about Boston Rob and then he got blindsided in a huge way. I foresee Boston Rob's team having a little trouble on the strength side of challenges without Matt. Maybe not...but I kind of hope so. Boston Rob may have screwed himself if Matt kills on Redemption Island. That being said... I have never been happier that Redemption Island exists and Matt has a change to avenge himself.

Alrighty, now that my rant is over and the recap finished I am going to puch play on last night's episode and comment while I watch the episode. Beware of my tense changing to present.

The episode opens with Matt arriving at RI. Francesca is baffled that he is there. JUST LIKE I AM! Here is a lesson in never going to Tribal Council without your things. Poor guy, maybe someone will bring his things to him.

I love that he called himself a goober and is seeing the bright side in the poop situation he is in.

Back at Ometepe:
Rob is thrilled with getting Matt out and flushing out the idol. If I didn't like Matt so much I would be happy with Rob. He is great at this game and it is plainly undeniable. It makes me sad that Phillip trusts Rob so quickly.
I always thought that if I were ever on Survivor with Boston Rob that we would be perfect teammates and have a great alliance. I think that was wishful thinking and I don't think I could have trusted him. Matt did and look where it got him. Phillip trusts Rob and I'm really interested to see where that takes him.

I absolutely LOVE the RI Arena. It reminds me of a traditional soccer field in Guatemala. It just looks so cool. The creators of this show really know what they're doing.

RI Challenge:
Sticks, rope, and locks.
The challenge looks like it is going to be a piece of cake. Francesca has hers together so fast. Matt needs to get going! Ugh. She gets her first two stupid keys before Matt has even gotten one! I am yelling at the screen now willing my voice to make Francesca drop it or mess up in a huge way... and it works! Matt is making a comeback. I assume I am this excited because I want Matt to be vindicated so badly...but maybe I will be this excited at all of the RI challenges.
Jeff's voice really makes this that much more intense! Matt has all his keys... Francesca should just go home now.
AND SHE WILL! I love Matt. Boston Rob may have lost my favorite-survivor-love. He better do something big if he wants to win it back.

I wonder if the producers started getting the idea to have a castaway all alone from Stephanie. She was completely alone and had a few breakdowns in her season. It made for great tv then and it is making for even better tv now.

Ometepe:
Poor Andrea. She misses Matt. She was blindsided too. I like her

Zapatera:
I am surprised that Steve lied about who won. I think it was a great strategy for him. If/when Russel goes to RI he will hopefully be thrown off his game because he will expect it to be easy.
I would never have thought of lying about who won the RI challenge.
Interesting.

I am not at all surprised that Russel cannot find the idol. Not because Ralph has it (which I am THRILLED ABOUT! that's what Russel gets for calling him stupid. rude) I am not surprised because he is not the idol master. He found the idols previously because they are usually hidden in semi-obvious places, if your on an island 24/7 you have a lot of time to kill. Russel has a CLUE and he cannot even find the idol. I just don't think he's that great of a player in that sense...but as you know I am NOT a fan of Russel.

And they have decided to throw the challenge. Here is what I think about throwing challenges, especially this one:
I think that the longer Russel is in the game the more cocky he will become.
I think that there is a small chance that Russel could beat Matt in a RI challenge.
I think that it is dishonest and I would have a hard time going along with it.
I think that it will always be obvious that the challenge was thrown.
And lastly,
I think that it will give fuel to Boston Rob's fire. And that is not a thing Zapatera wants.

And now I will skip to Tribal with one comment about Rob... of course he found the clue but I don't know if he will be able to find the idol, he never has before. At least no one else will have it.

Tribal Council:

I do not necessarily think that an in-cohesive 9 going into a merge is better than a tight 6 going into a merge... there will be less of a change of someone flip flopping.

Russel doesn't even have to speak... he just has his little minions speaking for him.

I love Ralph and I love that Jeff will always be there to translate for us.

I don't know why the little group of 3 thought that the 6 would split their vote three ways. Even if the 3 had an idol and the 6 wanted to flush it... they wouldn't have to split their vote three ways... they would only need to vote for 2 people, like they did. And now that there is a tie they only need to all vote for Russel... WHICH THEY DID!
I HAVE WAITED FOR THE DAY RUSSEL WOULD GET VOTED OFF THE ISLAND SINCE HIS FIRST SEASON!

I don't know why anyone said Russel would last longer than Rob. I know that now Russel could beat Matt and eventually come back... but I still count this as Rob lasting longer.

Russel, "I'll be back" He is always so confident and cocky but I just really don't think he will be back. On RI he won't have his little gang of giggling girls to help him win. He will be alone and we will really see what Russel is like as a player. I think it will be very interesting. And I think (or maybe just hope) that he will lose. I hope I don't end up eating my own words.

I also don't think that it will end up biting Zapatera in the butt for snuffing Russel's torch. A very great number of people have played this game before without the help of Russel Hantz... I really think they can do it again.

As always, I love this show and CANNOT wait till next week.

Survivor: Redemption Island

While I was watching the premiere of Survivor: Redemption Island yesterday, I was thinking about how much I truly love Survivor and how many opinions I have on the game and also thought about how I have a blog that I had not written on in days. So, I decided to merge the two, that way I will blog at least once a week. I'm going to blog while I watch the show which probably means I will have to watch every episode twice (which I am just fine with!). Anyways, this is a lot of useless information to say that I am going to blog about Survivor...knowing that very few people will even care about or read my blog. Alas, my love of the game that is Survivor is deeper than any desire for recognition, unless that recognition came from Jeff Probst himself.

This blog will contain SO many spoilers. Don't read it if you haven't watched it!

ANNNNNNND... play.

Opening scenes always give a good impression of what the season will be like. Helicopters, boats, treacherous treks through the jungle... they all set the pace for what the season will be like. I like the like coming in on a helicopter. It leads me to believe that this season is going to be more focused on the war aspect of the game. I cannot wait for the redemptive part of the game to actually start!
Jeff and his classic donning of the Survivor hat right before they land. love it. LET THE GAME BEGIN!

I tend to be wary of the first person who speaks in the game. Welcome to the game Francesca, you don't look ready. Yes you're REALLY on Survivor... I wish I knew what that was like.

First shock of the season, Russell and BostonRob are here to play! What an amazing surprise for these castaways! Well, not for the team, Russell is on. Let me take a moment to say how big a fan I am of BostonRob. He is one of my all time favorite players! He's great! Gamewise, he is one of the very best... puzzles, finding an awesome wife, building amazing shelters... I can't wait to see what he does this season and if anyone tries to vote him off right away I'll be so upset!

Ha! Stephanie. What is it with cute, young girls thinking Russel is the best person to partner with? I understood after his first season why such girls would want to partner with him... because he will take them to the end and they will win! If Russel gets on Stephanie's team he will partner up with her and then lose to her... unless he actually plays the villain card and backstabs her.


Francecsa, you spoke first in the GAME too? Not just in the first interview? You're crazy. That is SO not how I would play it.

What team will I go for this year? Whichever team gets Rob. ORANGE TEAM IT IS!

"When you are voted out at tribal counsel you will not go home."
This game just changed FOREVER!
I love it. This is such a huge thing. HUGE! If only Rupert and Bobby Jon had gotten to go to Redemption Island. And Eric! That would have been great.

I'd like to see Russell there! "Put me on that island, see what happens."
I'll tell you what would happen Russell... You would go home. Wanna know why? Your game is strategic. You play an amazing strategic game. You do fine in the challenges but if the other team really wants you gone all they have to do is send someone to RI that can beat you in a challenge. Unless I'm way off base, RI challenges aren't going to be about getting someone to come to the darkside with you. If that was the challenge, you would win hands down. You're game is not a physical game. RI is not going to be a vacation. You are very cocky, sir. I'd like to see your words bite you in the butt.

Why Nicaragua again? I'd like to find out.

Francesca, you're talking again! You are very talkative.

Russell, this is going to be the 'new you'. You're going to be the leader of the camp? How is that the new you? You wanted to be the leader the last two times. OH OH AND you just said that you would be stupid to come back and play the game the same way. Well, then I guess you're stupid because I'm pretty sure I saw you play the exact same game in Heroes VS Villains. And, I doubt there will be any hidden immunity idols for you to find on RI.

THEY HAVE TOOLS ALREADY? WHAAAAAAAT? I'm more surprised in that fact than I am about the twists of this season. They're being allowed to get quite comfortable. These new castaways won't know half the hardship of the first few days.

Hello Phillip. Jeff Probst told me to watch out for you. Okay, he didn't tell me personally... he told the viewers of Jimmy Fallon, but I like to think he was just telling me. The first time I met Phillip he was being bossy and slightly argumentative. Boy, you best watch out. People are going to be real sick of you real fast. Haven't you ever seen a singe episode of Survivor?
Federal agent? hmm.

Kristina, I see you and what you're doing. You are not being nearly sneaky enough! Obviously you ARE an aggressive 'strategiser'. You are not on Rob's radar... watch yourself.

Jeff, you said Phillip is like Coach. I didn't like Coach at first and I do not like Phillip right now... if he is like Coach then I will eventually like him but I just don't see that happening right now.

First day alliances are so tricky. Kristina and Phillip prediction= won't last. Russell and Stephanie= will last as long as she is in the game I assume.

What did I tell you? Steph and Russell are already in an alliance! Ridiculous. The only game change I can see from Russell is that he is not trying to make an alliance with EVERY girl in camp.

Kristina is already saying she wants Rob out. Therefore, I am ready for her to leave. I don't think she will tonight though. Too bad.

I don't know why anyone waits for clues to hidden immunity idols anymore. Apparently they are always hidden in places that are easy to find.

Oh, Phillip. I am already sick of you. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? Inappropriate. Francesca is getting very annoyed with you. When there is trouble with your alliance on the FIRST DAY, run.

PREDICTION: If team BostonRob goes to tribal tonight Francesca will go home. Just my early thoughts.

Sweet challenge. I'm going to skip writing about it.

Kristina spills the news about her immunity idol. Her plan is to get rid of Rob with this silly elaborate scheme. Even if I didn't love Rob I would say that her plan is stupid. She is an alliance of 3 which is nowhere near a majority. You already lost one challenge. Do you want to lose more? Rob helps you win. He is the one that helped make up all that time with his skills with puzzles.

At least I can trust in Rob's skills at the game of Survivor by knowing that he won't let Kristina get away with looking through everything. He is so smart for assuming she could have an idol. Split the vote! Perf.

blahblahblah lets move to tribal counsel.

Let the craziness begin!
An entire alliance is crumbling in front of me! Phillip is being so honest. He wasn't even asked. I am amazed by the fact that every season people act like children. If they were in a room full of children and they were arguing this way they would flip out on the kids.
I'm liking Phillip a little more for ousting Kristina.
Poor Natalie. I haven't even seen you this season yet.
Poor Phillip. He can't say Francesca's name.
Rob is a genius asking for the idol. He plays the game so well. He plays risky and he is pretty honest.

I am shocked that Kristina didn't play her idol. Why not? Did she think she was safe?

MY PREDICTION WAS RIGHT!!!!

Usually, the first person voted off is like the first person you kill off in a game of Mafia. But this time it wasn't just about getting rid of someone as a throw away...they tore apart the very first alliance in the tribe. Wonderful.

CRAZIEST TRIBAL EVER!

until next week...

Eaten By Cannibals

I have been reading a book of meditations by John Piper for awhile now. I have been taking long breaks between readings because I am trying to draw the book out for as long as possible. It is a short book and I am enjoying it so much I don't want it to end. My favorite place to read is at the gym. It makes my time on the treadmill faster and it is a new way I've found to bring worshiping into my workouts. The only problem I have is that my copy is filled with uneven lines from underlining while running. I am an obsessively neat person's worst book sharing nightmare.
The book is Life As A Vapor by John Piper. It contains "Thirty-One Meditations for Your Faith." It is incredible and I urge you to pick one up, be challenged by Piper, and be invigorated by the faith that exudes from him.
Today I was reading about "Thanksgiving of the Lives of Flawed Saints". I can only read one or two of the short excerpts at a time because I constantly have to re-read paragraphs and sentences due to the bouncing. Piper talks about how amazing the saints who came before us because they are flawed just like we are and the are utterly great just like we are not. At our very humblest we can see that we are not all great. Noticing that the saints that came before us are flawed we have hope that God may have a great purpose in place for us. How beautiful would that be? My greatest desire is for God to have a great calling for my life. The definition of great is an interesting thing though. I don't think the degree of greatness should be labeled by how many people know of your greatness but by how many people know of God's greatness.
John Piper quotes John G. Paton's biography when Paton is speaking of going to the South Seas in 1856 and a man told him he would be eaten by cannibals. Paton replies to this man, "Your own prospect is soon to be laid in the grave, there to be eaten by worms; I confess to you, that if I can but live and die serving and honoring the Lord Jesus, it will make no difference to me whether I am eaten by cannibals or worms; and in the Great Day my resurrection body will arise as fair as yours in the likeness of our risen Redeemer."
After this quote Piper says that, "This kind of abandon to the cause of Christ puts a fire in my bones."
I think that was so perfectly stated. At this point of reading, I had to stop and just think. I thought about the prospect of Christ and what He gave up for my soul and I wonder if I have the abandon to be eaten by cannibals. My prayer is that I would. My reality is that I would probably run. How do you get to the place where you are courageous enough to walk into a den of hungry humans, knowing you are their dinner?

My desire is to get to that place. If the alternative is that people will not know the loving God that I do...I will have to place my faith in Christ and learn to be courageous and live the way I took an oath to when I became a disciple of Christ.

I am sitting on the back porch of my house on this (some would say cold, I say chilly) night and I am reveling in the grace of my God and His providence over my life.
...And listening to Mumford&Sons... they're great.

The Joys of a New Home

After a change of two different plans, this is what my night is now consisting of...

Sitting by a fire,

Drinking a homemade iced latte (I realize how cold it is outside but I AM sitting by a fire...and I like iced lattes),

Watching Modern Family (Thanks Elise! I'm almost done with it already!),

And spending time with my sweet husby,

Changes aren't always bad. It's good to be reminded, even on days with small plans, that I am not in control of anything. When things do change, it might not always be welcomed, but God eventually changes things into even better things. Tonight, God wanted me to meditate on His glory and have some time to relax after a long weekend of moving and parties. God is good. That statement is always true.

Enjoy Him.

The Caudage

Garritt and I moved into our new house yesterday! It's great and we love it. We've only been here two nights but we LOVE LOVE it. Everything is ready and in place! Here are some pictures...

Our bedroom is an awkward shape to get a good picture... so, you'll just have to come by and see it!

That was The Caudage, hope to see you soon!

January 12, 2011

Garritt and I got married on August 6, 2010.
Garritt and I found out we were pregnant on December 18, 2010.
Garritt and I found out we had miscarried our baby on January 12, 2011.

Garritt and I haven't been married 6 months yet and we have had to trust the Lord in our marriage in more ways then we would have ever thought. When we found out we were pregnant we were excited, scared, and ready for the new phase the Lord had presented to us. We immediately met with the midwife we had chosen to use and started looking for a new place to live. We began telling our family and a small group of friends. We wanted to keep it quiet for awhile. We began telling more people and finally we filmed our friend Ricky finding out and tweeted it so the rest of our friends could find out. We were flooded with notes of congratulations and love.

We tweeted our video on January 8... two days later I started feeling sick. I knew something was wrong. I talked to my midwife and she basically told me to get in bed and stay there. I knew something was wrong and I had a feeling about what was coming so I began preparing myself. At first I was scared to tell anyone because then I knew it would be real. I didn't even want to tell Garritt. I had a day and a half before the miscarriage to prepare myself as well as I could. Garritt and I prayed like we had throughout the short 7 week pregnancy. We knew God was going to do what He had already planned. We told people sooner than is expected because if something like this happened we wanted our family and friends to be able to grieve with us and not have a shock that we were pregnant and had miscarried.

The last week has been full of up and downs, especially the first two days. I started writing a lot. I would simply write what I was feeling at that very moment.I am going to share some of what I wrote because I want people to know what Garritt and I have been going through and have gone through. I want to share without having to actually speak about it...

The day after it happened I was tired. I was just tired and hurting. I couldn't even explain it. I had never really felt like I was pregnant. I remember telling my mom that I wanted a bump so I would actually believe it. But the moment I lost the baby I knew I was no longer pregnant. I was in the kitchen just staring at the fridge and I thought 'this is what grief feels like'. I have never really grieved before. A little over a year ago my grandfather went to Heaven. I didn't painfully grieve over his death. I was sad that I wouldn't see him again until I went to Heaven but I knew the life he had lived and I had the pleasure of knowing him. I have never really grieved before now I don't think. So, I went back to my bedroom and I wrote this, 'God planned for this to happen step by step and if I truly believe that His plan is perfect then I believe that this is perfect right now. Even in my grief and sadness, right now is exactly what it should be. God made me and he made my baby. He wanted my baby and he wanted me to stay right where I am. So, what do I do? I stop typing, watch Buffy, and praise God’s name for who He is and what He has planned for Garritt and me. And I cry. I weep for the baby I will not know until I reach Heaven. And I look to the future… whatever it is. I look to when God gifts me with a child on earth.'

The next day I downloaded the song 'Restoration' and listened to it... a lot. I listened to it while I wrote. This is what I wrote and this is what Garritt and I still feel:

(Garritt and I really thought we were having a boy so I refer to the baby as 'him')


'Right now I am watching Celebrity Rehab. I am thinking about my personal relationship with Christ and the fact that through this sad thing that happened to me I turned to Christ. The only reason I turned to Christ is because God allowed me to. I could have been angry and furious with God. But He took my weeping and turned it into praising. I know that what I have is never really mine. It is all a gift from God. God created everything and he is, in turn, in control of everything. If my faith is firmly planted in the blood of Christ then why would I not believe that He has taken my baby by His perfect plan? I believe in a God who is massive. I believe in a God who is just. I believe in a God who is beyond words. I trust that when I pray, God listens and answers my prayers. I prayed for this not to happen. I didn’t want to miscarry. But just because I ask something it doesn’t mean I will be given it. I don’t pretend to control my own life. My life is not even my own to live. I am to be a walking testimony to the God of the universe who created me. I will weep and I will grieve and I will turn it into someone God honoring. And I will place my feet firmly in line with God’s plan for my life, knowing that He redirects it when He wants to. God is good. He is good in this miscarriage. He is good my sadness. He was good when we found out we were pregnant and He was even better when we found out we had lost our baby.
Through my miscarriage we were able to collapse in the arms of a loving God who knows the pain of losing a child better than we ever will.
He willingly sent His son to the cross. I didn’t willingly give up my child but I will wholeheartedly believe in God’s sovereignty. I am learning to understand better than I ever have what it must have felt for God to send His son to earth for the sole purpose of dying. It gives me a better appreciation of what my sin cost. It wasn’t just that a man came to this earth to die for me… it was that a baby was born on the earth and meant to live a whole life just to die for me. A little baby Jesus. God watched all of this. This all just brings me closer to loving my Jesus for saving me. It is a perspective I haven’t ever had to look closely at before.'

This is a time of sadness and grief but is also a time of praise and thankfulness.
The baby we lost is now in the arms of the Lord. He knows Heaven now and he will never know the pains of this world and for that I am thankful.

The Very First Blog

I've never blogged before but I thought it was about time to try it out.
What with being a new wife and all the life changes that are going on I
thought I could begin to share about it.
Let's see how it goes...