Puking with Purpose

I apologize for the title of this blog but alliteration as perfect as this cannot be ignored.

In case you have not seen my tweet, heard from someone, or heard from me personally…allow me to share the news with you that I am pregnant again! I am, in fact, through my first trimester! It is wonderfully exciting and it has all the evidence of God’s planning. We had our first baby visit with our midwife on Monday. While we were 20 minutes into the appointment Garritt told me what my brother, Austin told him, “This will be the only appointment you won’t like…because of all the paperwork.” Why Garritt didn’t tell me this before we went to the appointment, I have no idea. I thought we would simply go in, hear the baby’s heartbeat, and grab some lunch on the way home. I don’t know why I didn’t assume there would be loads of paperwork that needed to be completed. I had baby blinders on. All I could think about in the week leading up to that very appointment was that I needed to hear the heartbeat. I may already be showing (a little)…I may be ‘puking with purpose’ as I call it…I may have every symptom in the book proving that I am pregnant but I needed to hear the heartbeat.

And I did! It was fast (proving to my mom that baby is a girl) and it was strong! Apparently we have a very active baby. Garritt even got to feel the baby. Baby is about the size of a peach right now. A precious little peach. Baby is building bones and vital organs and his/her body is becoming more proportional. Baby is the most wonderful display of God’s attention to detail and love for His creation.

Now, I will back up a few months when I was keeping this secret from most people, when I was going on the middle school stainless retreat trying to get everyone out of the house in time for morning sickness…when I had to stop playing Ultimate Frisbee and the guys wanted to know why…well…

I knew I was pregnant before it was confirmed to me. For those of you like Garritt you’re now thinking that I am superhuman, but I can’t explain how I knew… I just knew. I assume that is much the same with a lot of mom’s-to-be. I knew the first time I was pregnant too. This time I was scared. I tried to ignore what I knew for as long as I could. Ignoring did not last long. I had a sinus infection that found me in a doctor’s office knowing that I would have to ask if I could take whatever medicine they prescribed me while pregnant. The wonderfully unexcited doctor later let me know that I was indeed pregnant. He said it like he was reading off a list. Something like, “The medicine I wanted to prescribe you I cannot give you since you are pregnant so we will have to try something else...” I didn’t listen to the rest of what he said. I immediately started praying. I was completely freaked out.

I left the doctor’s office and went to the waiting room to wait for my mom to come pick me up. I called Garritt but he was at work and didn’t answer. My next call was to Donnelyn, my (needs more adjectives to describe) midwife. She was so excited! She asked all the normal questions and said how excited she was to work with us again. And just like that my fears subsided. I was as excited as she was! Garritt called me back and he was confused and then really happy and that was that. I got in the car with my mom and asked her if we could make a stop by her house. Why? Because I needed my prenatal vitamins. She then proceeded to give me a high five. What a great response!

Now that I have had so much time to think about baby and pray for baby I find that the tone of my heart is not different from when I wrote about the miscarriage. If that sounds weird I am about to explain. The simple, glorious fact is that God is in control. Everything I said before is still so true. God is the God of the universe whether or not you choose to deny it. As I said before, God knows what it is like to lose a son. He also knows what it is like to have a son and watch him grow and prosper. He already knows the plan for this baby that is growing inside me. I don’t have to know that plan. I do however have to trust that it is a perfect plan because it is God’s. I so look forward to the day when I hold this baby. I look forward to the day when this baby cries for hours. I look forward to the day when this baby first recognizes me. I look forward to the first diaper change. I look forward to the day when this baby says my new name. All of these things will mean so much to me.

I simply look forward. And trust. What else can I do? More than anything I look forward to the day that I stand face to face with my savior and can embrace Him and thank Him for both of the babies that He has given me that I will then have met.