As I am waiting to start the SheReadsTruth prayer devotion
tomorrow, I decided to read Proverbs 31 this morning. For two reasons, I woke
up this morning feeling victory over the enemy and feeling very grateful {in
general but also for specific reasons}. Yesterday, when I read Chavon Taylor’s first blogpost I was reminded that in Heaven I will no longer be tired. Last
night, when Ryan Hamon spoke at Impact I was reminded that God has beaten Satan
already and that I was leaving room to be tempted into bitterness during my
multiple night wakings. Today, I am going to write about all of that and more:
.
“Be
sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring
lion, seeking someone to devour”
1 Peter 5:8
Man, have I felt that for the last-oh-8 months. I didn’t
even know I was feeling it. But, it became clear last night as I put Ryder in
his crib and it became abundantly clear as I woke this morning feeling
refreshed…along with waking last night feeling refreshed and again last night
still feeling refreshed {a refreshment that only comes from the Lord}. I was up
just as much last night as I have been all week but my attitude was new and different. I have been praying on loop for
weeks that God would give Ryder, and in turn me, more sleep. I have gladly
woken up multiple times a night for my sweet baby for almost 8 months now but I
have only very recently begun to get really sad about it. I have started to let
it overcome me. I have not been sad that I have been waking up but I have been
sad that I have not felt the Lord answering my prayer. Not even my prayerS,
just my one prayer. I have cried out nightly for Him to show me what I am
supposed to be learning during this process. How this nightly routine is
teaching me something? How I am to grow through this? But, I haven’t felt
anything and I think it’s because I was only looking for my answer to be MORE
SLEEP. “Just a 4 hour stretch tonight, Lord, please?” And, I have found myself
becoming discouraged because I started to think that I wasn’t asking for much.
Why isn’t He giving it to me? I’m not asking the world here, Lord, I just want
more sleep.
But last night as I prayed for Ryder while he slept in His
crib I prayed a new prayer. Actually, I scream prayed a new prayer {in my head,
of course. Don’t wake my sleeping baby}. I told the devil that he has no
business in my home and he is not welcome here. I cried out that the God I
serve has defeated him and will always and forever be victorious over him. This
battle isn’t ongoing. It’s won. The battle in my heart is ongoing, however. I
cried out to the Lord in apologetic tones. How selfish I am! So, I gently
kissed my sons head, went and kissed my husband goodnight, and read a little of
2 Timothy before I fell asleep. 4 hours later, Ryder woke but I felt more
rested than I have in a long time. I felt the kind of rest that can only mean
my SOUL had found rest. I was at peace with being awake and I was praising the
Lord from the moment I woke. And, I continued to praise throughout the rest of
the night and now I sit writing this refreshed even though I slept no more than
normal.
It’s all about attitude, y’all. God is sovereign and He’s
going to get what He wants, regardless of what we think. He wants me, us, to
run to Him. He desires to be our everything. So, why wouldn’t we oblige? Why don’t
I take up the cross every single day and find refuge in HIS strength when I am
weak? Because, most of the time my attitude sucks. Most of the time I am
selfish even in my kindness. Most of the time I find flaws where He says I’m
redeemed. Most of the time All of the time I am a sinner that doesn’t recognize
the depths and grossness of my sin.
Watch out for that lion. He’s waiting in the wings, in your
thoughts, in your midst. He’s waiting and will wait as long as he needs to try
and steal you from the Lord. He’s patient. Don’t let him devour you.
I was going to write about Proverbs 31 today too but I think
it would be better for a later blogpost. But, let me just say that Proverbs 31
teaches you best how to be the kind of woman revered by God. It’s awesome. If you
haven’t read it, read it. If you have read it, read it again and learn
something new!
God is good, y’all. And He’s faithful even when we’re not.
He can’t deny Himself.
